I Just Knew

A friend of mine just recently became "one of us." She and her husband, who was diagnosed with lung cancer, have joined what is sometimes called the cancer community. A family of folks connected by a terrible disease each one of us wishes didn't exist. As I watch her fumble through these first few days after diagnosis it reminds me of when my precious child was diagnosed five years ago. I feel for her like only "one of us" can. So many memories are still so vivid in my mind and will never go away. My baby's screams throughout one of those first nights when they couldn't get the pain in his legs under control. And the tears streaming down his face as he begged me to lock his hospital room door so "they" (the doctors and nurses) couldn't come in any more. His blood shot eyes after crying so hard during his first spinal tap and bone marrow aspiration. The horror and embarrassment he felt when he vomited in his wheelchair on his first trip outside in 4 days. Although those memories are less stabbingly painful then just a few short years ago- they will remain with me forever. But- I learned this morning that some of those memories fade and some you almost forget! And that my friends is itself a small miracle. As I watch my friend struggle through some difficult decisions I shared with her that my decision to move B to the hospital where he ultimately received treatment was an easy one. I told her I just knew. And as I recalled- I did. However, when I shared my friend's struggles with my mom this morning she said "oh I remember how hard that was for you! You cried and cried and were so distraught over whether to transfer him or not." I had forgotten! As she reminded me of the events the details came back and I recalled just how tough that choice really was for me.... but only after we talked. What a blessing it is to know that I can forget. So, it is with HOPE that I can stand by my friend's side and help her through this journey. And it is with HOPE that I can tell her that God is in charge of the big things and the little ones. And it is with HOPE that I can tell her without a doubt that maybe one day at least a few of these struggles they are facing may fade and they might come to believe they just knew.